Modern love is not just a history of two people, but a collection of multiple experiences with various ideas and relationships. You’re probably not the same person from year to year. That’s because every experience you have, every lesson you learn, is a bridge to a new path in life. The lover you were is not necessarily the lover you are today. Nevertheless, your partners may want to know who you were before you met them, and maybe they should know.
Your Past Could Ruin a Good Thing
But, many of us are afraid to give too much of our past away, for fear that our partners will know about our weaknesses and past mistakes. So how much of your past should you share with a significant other? Should you tell them about past infidelities, debt, health and legal issues? Some people think you should share it all, but if you do, you run the risk of ruining a good thing.
The Experts Don’t Agree
When you ask this question to a dozen experts you’ll receive a dozen different answers. Some say you shouldn’t, some say you should, and most say you should with a few exceptions. The true answer is as unique as you are. If you can imagine a scenario where the truth could come out, it’s best to come clean before someone else does it for you. For example, if you’re not divorced from your ex, it will come up if you and your current partner decide to get married. Or if you have a health concern that makes you unable to have children, you may want to share that with your partner who’d like to start a family with you. And if you’re thinking of buying a house together, now is the time to reveal your debt or poor credit.
Keeping Secrets and Having Intimacy
One of the benefits of having a life partner is the intimacy that comes with it. And in order to be intimate in more ways than physically, you need to bare your soul. This means you should share your secrets, your fears and your hopes. In order to do that, you need to be with someone you trust—someone you’re sure about. And if you don’t have that kind of honesty with your current partner, you may need to take a step back, slow things down, or even move on.
Tell Them Everything That
When it comes to being honest with your partner, you should tell them everything that impacts them, that impacts who you currently are and that impacts your relationship. If you aren’t honest, your deep secrets could become a dark shadow that hovers over your relationship. Secrets often surface and if you don’t get out in front of them, your partner, who trusted you, will see you as a stranger. It’s just better not to hide things from them.