How to Overcome Your Neediness


Fotolia_72328843_Subscription_Monthly_MA lot of us go through life feeling needy of affection, approval and attention from others. This causes us to focus on the “outside” while disconnecting with our inner space of being. Neediness always arises from lack based thinking and a self-critical mindset. People who are self-critical are usually always seeking approval and affection outside themselves and hence end up becoming “needy” in their behavior. Also, a lack based mindset causes people to think that they need to “cling” to someone because they feel that life will not bring in new/better relationship if they let go of this one. Neediness is a highly toxic mindset and it immediately makes your point of attraction to be rooted in lack. Overcoming the attitude of neediness is all about letting go of viewing life from the lens of lack and developing the mindset of self-love through self-alignment.

Do you feel like they’re pulling away from you? People tend to pull away when they feel smothered. To regain the balance in a relationship, you have to be willing to give the other person some space.

Your Relationship is Energy

Think of a relationship as energy. If a couple is equal in their attention and affection, there is balance and harmony in their relationship. But if one person gives more than the other person is willing to give, the balance shifts. Then one person becomes distant and the other person becomes needy and desperate for the affection they once had. It can become a vicious cycle and one that has the ability to intensify. The result is a serious relationship crash and burn.

Space and Room to Breathe

Being clingy in a relationship won’t get you the closeness you want. In fact, it will push the object of your affection away. But if you give them space and room to breathe, you’ll draw them closer. It may sound counterproductive, but in order to hold onto something in a genuine way, you need to be willing to let it go.

There’s a big difference between “I want you because I need you,” and “I need you because I want you.” If you want someone desperately because you need them to make you feel whole or complete, that’s a lot of pressure to put on a person and a relationship. It scares people and makes them run and hide no matter how much they liked you in the beginning. When you need someone because you genuinely want to be with them, that’s an entirely different feeling. When you both want to be with one another, the feeling is mutual and the energy between you is equal.

You’re Needy if… 

girl-angry-with-text1. You Call/Text Excessively: What’s excessive? Calling or texting someone several times before they return your call or text is excessive. Don’t assume they’re ignoring you. They could be driving, in the shower or busy at work. They’ll call or text you back. If you call or text them too many times, when they finally get back to you it won’t be pleasant.

2. You Need to be With Them Every Second: Don’t mistake their desire to spend time with friends, family or pets as a lack of affection for you. You don’t have to spend every second of the day together. If you did, you wouldn’t have much to talk about. They’re busy and their life doesn’t revolve around you. Try being busy yourself so you’re not obsessing over not being together. Savoring your alone time keeps you from pushing them away.

3. You’re Constantly Jealous: Being in a relationship with someone you don’t trust makes you miserable. Also, being with someone who doesn’t trust you makes you miserable. Unless you’ve had the exclusivity talk, assume they’re dating other people, and you should be too. If you’re in a committed relationship, you should be able to trust your partner and not feel constantly jealous. Even if they’re speaking to the opposite sex, you shouldn’t worry that they’re cheating on you. Jealousy leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to neediness. You’re pushing them away.

Be Independent

download (4)We all want to feel needed and wanted, but there is a limit. Independence is an attractive quality, and you don’t seem independent if you constantly need to be around your partner. Neediness isn’t attractive. It pushes peoples away from you and makes you a lonely person. If you have a tendency to be needy, I suggest you do the opposite of what your needy instincts tell you to do. For example, if you feel like texting them over and over before they’ve responded to your first text, stop yourself. Find something else to do.